金色的浪花从海面翻涌着朝我们扑来，我们在其间穿行。
季节会让我们的心成熟吗？会的，而且它们会让你的触摸变得温柔。
我们将手牵手前行，显然会直到永远。
我们不要卷入父母之间爱恨交织的事情中。
而当它们尾随着我们，远在天边又疲惫不堪时——靠我们
自己，将扮演法官和陪审团的角色。
我该从哪里说起呢？我能描述初现弧线中的转折吗？
我们脚下不起眼的急流，都承载着远方他乡的喧嚣
涌向这片我们亲近挚爱的舞台，我们的聚光灯足以与月亮及其女儿们争辉。
10 难道上天要投来嫉妒，熄灭一对双星吗？
暮色渐浓，幕布降下，背景幕布撕裂，一个纸糊的话匣子
接着是一阵陌生的蝉鸣，以及在我们面前铺展开的迷宫。ⓘLevel 0 - “教学关卡”“什么？什么…这是什么地方？”-
哦，我亲爱的爱人，你去哪里了？
我环顾四周，连尘埃都落得如此缓慢
在这眨眼之间？你难道没有跟上吗？
透过我身体之外的某个地方，我看到自己的呼吸变得浅促。
那里，一只蓝鸲被劈成了两半！——我正咽下一朵绽放着的、被开膛破肚的悲伤
它在我的喉咙里滚烫而沉重地冒泡。
我的握力保持稳定，但我的手却空空如也，恐惧绷得太紧
20 我会坚定我那颤抖的决心，在十字路口，我选择正确右边的道路。
骰子给出答案，褪色的色彩绽放——钻石墙纸与一间简陋的房间。ⓘ马尼拉房间“我想我会在这里待一会儿…… 也许这里是这个地方的中心？一个出口？天啊，我希望这是一个出口。”-
而眼前的景象并未让我犹豫，他们的声音——你的竖琴——便穿透了
我那喘不过气的怀疑，你的眼眸点亮了我咧嘴大笑的神情，笑容从左耳蔓延到右耳
直到我瞥见那裂缝：“——世界在这里进行？”
我们向凶险的兔子洞深处爬去
一次迈出两步，踏上这众所周知的坠落之旅
在你稳住身形前，环住我的手腕，“准备好了，这里有——”
寂静中，成千上万的刺痛在潜伏。
若那无唇的狞笑在招手，若那无臂的双手渴望将你我分开
30 我会以不屈的勇气抗争：我绝不会从你身边被夺走。
我们穿梭于数英里长的走廊，一根备用的阿里阿德涅之线依旧鲜活饱满，奋力劈开ⓘLevel 1 - “宜居地带”“亲爱的，你到底觉得这地方是什么鬼地方？我…试过传呼机，不管用。我试着踹墙，可墙后面只有一片漆黑。我…我就是不知道。我不知道。”-
一条希望之路，一丝微弱的信念，在碾碎的余烬与夭折的梦想之间。
然后：光线猛然熄灭，我们忍着痛，悄悄穿过阴影笼罩的深渊；
一场生与死之间的最终较量。
时隔太久我们走进走廊，阴影褪去，海市蜃楼消散
此刻，唯一确切的慰藉便是你温柔的安抚。
在我们前方，车库里的灯光又亮了起来
就像我们混凝土海岸上的一座灯塔！
将我们长长的影子在墙上搅动，让它们飞起来
40 追逐着潮汐，一束相拥的光芒绽放。
我们的卷轴，由我开启；我们的舞台，由我搭建
虽不完美，却值得，只因我们的情歌依旧回响。
四处随意散落着许多板条箱，
就像洪水初至，要将这片废墟席卷而去。
我们在里面四处查看，发现了几样精巧的工具 ——
几罐三文鱼、可折叠的刀片、舒适的衣物和油腻的小瓶子。
由于我们的背包已经塞得满满当当，我们决定留下那些四分之三都是空的板条箱，
然后出发前往那处建筑群，希望能找到一个出口。
我们环顾四周，茫然无措，直到那扇门吸引了我们的目光
50 一缕幽灵般的光线闪烁着，照亮了一段楼梯
它静静地待在那里，纹丝不动，没有越过白色胶带中的位置。
在一根柱子上，出口指示牌的绿色光芒勾勒出
那同样洁白的箭头，指向外面，仿佛在招手示意；
说了一句话，又给了一个让人安心的点头，我们便穿过了那扇有凹痕的大门。
在月亮不再挥洒她的光彩之处，日光也因缺少太阳的温暖而变得陈旧ⓘLevel 128 - “大室外天地”“我的天啊，感觉我们就像是在一个低成本恐怖片的片场。这简直——”-
一丝冰冷的慰藉裹住我们酸痛的肩膀，我们在猫草间穿行。
风儿拂过层层布料与你缕缕发丝
携来死亡的恶臭，还有某种更难捕捉的气息。
沉闷的空气撞上交错的摆动，万物如彩纸般翻滚坠落
60 将我们安然置于此地，毫发无伤。
然后：仿佛 4 月 4 日被浇上了汽油
眯着眼穿过绿色海洋上方浑浊的深处
一座山苏醒了，一声巨大的咆哮，如音爆般升起
一个紧急警报系统穿透迷雾；
比风暴的警报声更响亮，比飓风来临的预示音更强烈
一个巨人正在崛起，那是唯有神话中才曾知晓的存在。
我们躲到一根柱子后面时，我几乎无法思考，原本冰凉的岩石此刻在它的庇护下变得温暖。
你简直忍不住会对这一切十足的荒谬捧腹大笑：每一步都充满危险，
这是我们必须避免的，而且不知怎的，我们总能做到。
70 这东西变得温顺起来，只是把蝗虫从暗处赶出来，
从周围渗出气体。
我们眼前，是几簇美丽的雏菊；我摘下两朵，盼着能活着把它们送给你。
我们在各个检查点之间穿梭，几乎动弹不得，勉强维持着生命，
巨像在我们头顶移动，从空中搜寻猎物。
我在想，要是我们是其他人，是否早就没命了——
但唯有好运眷顾着我们，因为它让我们逃过了这一劫。
一直到你发现的地方，一直到标有 55 的房间。ⓘLevel 55 - “休憩驿站”“哦！哇，我真的感觉自己以前*确实*来过这里……你知道弗兰克家吗？就是那个烧烤店？不知道？啊，可能是我自己想多了。”-
那时：在破裂的石膏板之外，斜靠着双面座椅
80 用纸巾擦拭桌布
文凭和霓虹灯招牌贴满窗户
歪斜的金属百叶窗，通向有点像旧世界的地方
即便那昏暗绯红的窗玻璃从我们指间滑落
在此，就这一次，让这温柔的夜晚属于我们吧。
一条胖乎乎的面包，烤得金黄酥脆
一篮篮甜甜的巧克力豆
鲜奶油可颂，顶上放着黑莓
干苹果、切好的水果和腌渍食品
杏子上撒着点缀的饰料
还有装着鸡翅的橄榄托盘。
吃了一半、味道变得怪异的柑橘，包装纸上残留的糖霜印记
可我仍在寻找着什么。我偶然发现了那些熟悉的美味：
（这不就是我在那个决定性的日子里给你的东西吗？）
串着的糖葫芦，上面撒着芝麻
一盘盘塞着融化奶酪的南瓜
我却一滴花蜜也没带走。
墙壁暴露了它们的年代，木料紧绷，皮革吱呀作响
三色灰泥上方的风扇，停在了转动的中途；
食欲回来了，我们还能抽出片刻欢乐，心怀一丝希望，盼着自己已然苏醒
100 噩梦在被浪涛击碎前的一次停歇。
我们各自取好餐食，寻得一处佳座，
在战胜了野兽的考验之后，平复心绪，从容前行。
我们谈论那些快照，散落的甜点心满载往昔回忆
指尖残留的碎屑酸涩难言，让话语骤然哽在唇边。
“趁热吃完，别凉了。”你笑着打趣对我说，
而我正念叨着一处我们曾常去的地方。
“你还记得我们相遇的那天吗？”我轻声开口，
就在那方台阶之上，我闭上双眼，恍然看见那时的你我：
某个周六夜晚，瓦列霍高中，我于台阶上望见了你
110 你将头埋在臂弯里，崭新的棉质衣物平整挺括。
“你觉得他们做这一切，就只是为了算计我吗？”你苦笑着问道
“或许是，或许不是——我和那些女生向来不合，从来就不喜欢她们的气场——
别想着舞会了，要是你刚好有一两个小时空闲……
我知道一个格调不错的地方，我们可以做点更有意思的事。”
你笑意浅浅，心绪却依旧沉重——“怎么了，亲爱的？”
“哦！”你猛然抬头，脸上挂着一脸得意的坏笑：
“我只是想起了一件一路走来早已淡忘的事。”
你从钱包里抽出一张卡片，起身离开高背座椅，
而我完全无法预料你接下来的坦白：
120 这是我此生经历过最盛大、最极致的惊喜。
然后：1越过断裂处，
穿越遍布虫害的管道与通风管道牢笼，我们奋力鏖战 3
每一场胜利皆是甘美硕果，直至一切被肆意碾碎。
那些扭曲诡谲的恐惧无处藏匿，我们的本能敏锐无比——至少我曾这般以为。
这段漫漫征途纵使如无尽漂泊般艰辛，本也终将收获硕果，
若不是这该死的命运弄人：
轮到我们之前，血肉之躯骤然膨胀，欲在它的车灯中将我们吞噬
我僵住了，如同一只濒死的鹿
带着彻骨的野性，成群结队朝我们狂奔而来
130 涎水滴落的血盆大口豁然张开，满口如尖刺般的烂牙。
它目无寸光、心怀恶念，死死凝视我的脸庞
受你牵引，我挣脱束缚，奔向无尽远方。
你的利刃从台阶缝隙滑落，寒光一闪
钢铁撞击水泥地面，我将其拾起，如救赎之火炬——而后，天啊！
你在无数臂膀的裹挟下骤然消失，如同溺水的水手，
而我被无尽的恐惧吞噬。我强忍心神转身伫立，
猛地挥刀奋力一击，将利刃狠狠刺入它的双眼。
我的另一只手扯动你武器的螺丝，拧进这只瘫倒怪物的内脏。
突兀的肢体宛若碎裂白瓷，拼凑成崩坏的拼图艺术
140 箭头相撞，时光随心跳节奏缓缓凝滞
脏器肆意绽开，四肢四散飘零，化作亘古可怖的恶之花
汹涌恐惧模糊视线，泪水哽咽住所有呼唤
脓水渗入肌理，幻痛刻骨，足以铭记
出口近在咫尺——我必须清空杂念，挣脱一切。
强忍倒抽的气息，别开目光，避开你受伤之处
我将你抱起，仿佛托起自己的灵魂：你沉在我怀中，亦是我全部的希冀
这份沉重缓缓消散。我轻轻怀抱着你，像一只被打得遍体鳞伤的狗
160 我心怀惶恐，步步前行，带你跨过故障的边界；
我低头凝望，你的面颊苍白失色，神情一片空洞
150 我猛然发觉，自己多想轻声呼唤你。
这面墙从锈蚀之处延伸至沙尘漫天之地。
一片崭新又陌生的原野，散落着座座旅店，愈发助长了我的满心期许。ⓘLevel 48 - “日落沙滩”“天啊……这是我见过最美的事物。求你了，一定要撑住——我腾出手就立刻帮你包扎腿，还有……求求你。醒醒，求求你，我真的无比迫切地想要你醒过来。”-
我小心翼翼，将你轻放于橡木长椅之上
这路边的一隅容身之所，正是此刻万般渴求，而后我静静落座在你身旁。
我褪去外套，脱下难看的冬日毛衣遮掩
你大腿上三道被牙齿抓伤的深深伤口。
我从背包的暗袋中取出
一张依旧珍视的票据——
模糊的印刷数字赫然印着：“1989 年 04 月 16 日！”
160 指尖微颤，抚平褶皱
肌肉记忆刻下折痕，繁花悄然绽放——不期而遇的美好
收好之前，我多想将它轻别在你的发间。
我无法克制目光不由自主偏向你；我无法
阻拦萦绕你我之间的暖意，无论它源于血肉，或是伤口
心口与创口淌落、止不住的血色斑驳。指尖无意触上你的肌肤，
缓缓描摹你的肩头、你的颧骨与你的耳廓
双目轻阖，手轻轻抚过你的发丝
仿若摩挲一袭浸满暖阳的绒毯，亦是驱散惶恐的依托。
当你微动时，所有疲惫尽数离我而去，
170 你蹙眉忍痛时，我从行囊翻出一只药瓶，
取一片阿司匹林，轻送入你微张的唇间。
我们轻笑起来，想起你从前十分反感这个动作。
一手捂住剧烈跳动的心脏，我哽咽着轻声叹息
“天啊，█████2，我爱你。真庆幸我们还好好活着。”
如今我终于明白真相：我就是世上最幸运的傻瓜！
我予你绵长一吻，裹挟着世事全然的荒诞
万千思绪骤然翻涌：这般境地，何以真实存在？
我们怎会沦落至此，又能奋力抗争到何种地步？
无敌之身被骤然剥夺，我将你的眼眸深深刻入心底——
180 与其承受你再度惨遭摧残，不如就此安然长眠。
我们驶在一辆找到的、老旧的手动挡轿车里，带遮光帘的车窗召唤着回家，
胡乱调弄着收音机，它恰好肯播放我们钟爱的七八十年代演绎版本
我们脚下的金色道路，几乎是通往奥兹仙境的路
月光朦胧，透过玻璃洒落，凉如聚光灯，时而显得渺小
被棕榈树的影子、掠过的蓝烛仙人掌与红花仙人掌的尖刺映衬得渺小，
一个意外颠簸的震动让整个座椅摇晃。
我向来不是细心谨慎的驾驶者，如今却小心翼翼把控方向
我更紧地握住踏板，被你的神情打断，心绪转变：
你是动了，还是方才只是一道影子从你身上掠过？
190 我愿祈求一抹微笑的影子刺痛我，因痛楚而不时急促喘息。
在锅炉坩埚中受洗，望见你的唇瓣便心生安然：
它们的对话是为了我的灵魂，微张的唇瓣是为了我的心。
最终，我们抵达一座小镇，榨汁工与农夫漫无目的地四处游荡
直到他们望见我们，身形间掠过短暂的慌乱，
看清我们并非蛮横强势的 MEG 后，方才卸下戒备。
当你去一个小住所休息时，我和他们说话，
偶然一念涌上心头，故而我恳切祈求：
“你刚刚提到的这座城市，你指的是什么意思？”ⓘLevel 11 - “不夜城”“我觉得这里再合适不过。安稳，却又充满冒险感。静谧，却也不乏热闹。”-
“这片土地遥不可及，远在天际线外四分钟路程的地方，
200 我们无人甘愿踏足此地。它
充斥劳作与纷争，喧嚣丛生——恰似你们二人！
这个世界必将迎来一场城市的洗礼：无人曾尝试。”
爱人，与我共舞：让我们迈步
踏着韵律盘旋，手放在彼此身上，步入
更温暖的水中。来吧，让我们的身体交给波浪
感受水流，让水带走我们。
纵使双手仍在颤抖，心跳依旧狂烈
大海温柔的吻将洗去我们破碎的伤口
210 虫蛀的苍穹之上，秃鹫的目光将我们层层环绕
它们的目光将我们引向我们无法触及的深处；
乌鸫死寂的凝视牢牢钉住我们
仿佛我们的爱意，不过是又一枚待被凿破的铁钉
但我们继续前进，更深，更深；
毕竟，幸运总是偏爱更勇敢的人
雷鸣般的掌声如破浪之声
我们的两位演员深吸一口气：请起立，序曲开始。
感觉到脚下有陆地，我坐起来伸手
一只手放在你的胸口，感受剧烈的起伏
220 直到你缓缓吐息，仿佛所有空气都在逃离
呼气，吸气，还在呼吸，因匮乏而颤抖，因获得而嗡嗡作响：
活着本是欢愉，如此奇妙的悲剧。
我们曾经存在过，这是多么奇怪。
飞翔，航行，我们现在敢于梦想
尽管有混凝土的四壁陷阱。
你我故事交织，你的手在我的手中，
苍穹为我们敞开——
228 我们升入无限的世界，双星稳定而明亮！
On the church bell towers, trysts and tales once came together —
Oh! Brilliantly will my bond with them shine!
On the luminant broad plains, when the long-beaked birds sing:
A choir for our running, whittled to a lone, soft cellist for our fucking.
The patron (explorer) saints will call, and we will not reply -- on ourⓘThe MEGWhen once we've grown older together, and we've tired of seeing the distant lands, and we've - and this is the greatest heresy - tired of *each other,* then perhaps. Perhaps.-
Own, we'll see the corners of this infinity world.
INT:I admit, it was a distressing time, our entrance to this world.
We were walking above the blackened midnight waters together,
Soft words exchanged, firmly our hands entwined; the air passed through our
10 Lungs, light our eyes, — then, at once! — the two of them stabbed us to make us shine.
The blinding tunnel was ∞/0, deep blue strobing in our nerves, hurting us so fucking
Much that our song was mere cries. And then: the damp floor, the bleak walls.ⓘLevel 0 - "Tutorial Level"Amidst the eternally constructing plains, broken fragments of a city-capitalist's dream which should have long ago passed, I awoke. And thank God I did, for I would never want to leave you alone in this hellscape.- Sing(!):
"Where hast thou gone, my love? Once, I could sing
With you of the joys of touch and flesh and tales — now, a world
That I skip across, bland waters, horrid buzzing, and I miss you so fucking
Much, that I shake: the sentiment we might never again be together
Too much. How does one bear the loss of our one body, the shine
that I had when I gazed into your eyes — the loss of Our!!?"
Urgency writ large, until I saw a door to a different place.ⓘThe Manila RoomI could hardly believe my eyes as I came into the room, hoping beyond conscious hope that you had found it, wondering if it would be prudent to stay there until I died… for you. How could one expect to see you already there!- Oh! Is it true that our
20 Love is undying? It can't be, but it must. Seeing you was enough to make me sing
Your song in jubilee: "Somewhere over the rainbow… bluebirds shine —"
And you broke our embrace to laugh and say, "What in the world-"
And a cheek's kiss and quick reply — "Sorry if I butchered it, I'm just glad we're together."
Then: an exasperated/joyful laugh, shuffling documents, quiet words: "What in the fucking-
CUT: Walls are broken; hand-in-hand; across 1ⓘLevel 1 - "Habitable Zone"Through patches of danger we flitted across / Pipes and rods our only posts / We spoke then: "How can we get home?" / "I don't know love… honestly, I worry more for my m'um."- we go, light from the night's lunatic fucking,
Breath bated and hearts laden with heavy concern; your future — our
Future was clouded, despite our anchoring together.
Vicissitudes came, from the distant and dark, who'd sing
Of foretold fatal fates and blood spill't in this endless concrete world.
30 Holding luck, a steel pipe, and my lover, we dispatched and travelled 'till we saw a shine.
EXT: Beyond the wall-crack, grass was dotted with geometry, & mist disrupted the sunshine
A titan moved on the horizon, a god reigning over where not even birds could sing;ⓘLevel 128 - "The Great Outdoors"Clockwork moving things creep across the plains, just outside normal sight, laying without thinking the knells that will one day resound throughout the random stars.-
We crawled along the great plain until a feeling in the air — "Shit-" — the fucking
Sights of the beast is on us, its breath mingled with our
Electrified fear and sweat as we dashed behind the barrotes3 of the world.
"What do you think we do?- We can't move, I see nothing-" | "We stick together,
Dear… there's a light I see, though it'd be at world's edge… a shine, for our
Souls." And your quiet reply, against staccato thunder-steps, "Let's dash there together
Before the beast sings of our sweet flesh and fucking rips us all-apart."
40 I hold you tighter than the pillar, as I search
For the speck of hope I'd found — "Look there! It dances
Refracted, put it at minute 58… " A bit towards the beast. My innards lurch
At the thought of retreading to the hot, foreboding form — but advances
Aren't always forward, and it's our only hope; "It's got to work."
Softly and swiftly we sneaked, hoping the beast saw us as ants and not pests,
Calling on all the Gods we knew for mercy at this direst hour;
The beast's wind tore through us, the stink of pesticide. All the while,
Its gaze on us.
We walked until its brown muscles ripped across its horrid bone husk.
50 The light refined: a crack in the wall, reeking and so vile
As to make us question the wisdom of the venture — and above us, the power
Endlessly shifting, endlessly watching… until we spied the bakers' nest.
And we dashed.
And we barely avoided its idle swipe.
CUT: The dusk is young, and the dust in the restaurant is like frosting for our wanderings:
We see the back-end VCR, we laugh at the cha-ching! of the ancient registers,
We take the MJ and Bee-Gees CDs, and we hope one day to hear them playing.
"Do you get a feeling…" You start as we try to find a panaderia in the mix,
"-That we can't be here long?" I end, squeezing your hand, relishing the sweet pleasure.
60 As we find a quesadilla4 and some 锅盔5, the cool air and warm light begging we rest
I'm reminded of something crucial, the thing for which we'd weathered
Disapproval and dishonor. We stand together in the seeping sunlight, grateful for our luck;
I reach into my wallet, removing a Jared's design card — the pickup date marked yesterday.
"I hope we've struck a new beginning, somehow.
I know you and I are horrified at the thought of staying,
But I want you to know that I want to live life with you
Through any illness or ailment, 'till death do us part."
"Holy shit… I'm…"
"The big wedding's no more, but I think some good food's a great bow."
Quietly, the moment an aberration against this aberration: "Oh God — I do, I do, I do."
70 The details of our honeymoon I needn't now recount:
You and I remember the touch, you and I remember the lazy love,
So instead, we'll CUT TO: A dark hall, a dungeon of steam and creeping thingsⓘLevel 3 - "Electrical Station"A necessary threat, but how terrible it is to see the Backrooms punish travelers in this way! What have you done to, Idle Yellow, to deserve this sort of trial? Do you want to see us gone, rotting in the ground? Well, you won't get the satisfaction.-,
Where we have been ejected to face the Backrooms head-on.
We amble through the pathways, the breaks in the brick pounding, and circle about
For anything, anything, that might help us escape this cage we've been shoved
Into. The masses of darknesses are cold. It is only you that augments me, keeps me moving.
An hour passes, and just as I open my mouth to speak, a new fear spawns:
You point at the end of the hall, beyond the LED checkpoint, and there's a moving mound —
Flee! — It grapples along the foundation, rolling feet slamming, troves of flesh
80 Bounding, gnashing its teeth, hoping to have us bleeding
In its boundless belly, to gnaw for dessert on our bones!
"Here!" You call out, pointing to a dislodged beam ahead, its nails still intact.
I jump up as I run and grimace as it tears, splinters showering into my hair
Our steps can't come fast enough — the clump is still coming, and we'll soon be backed
Into a shifting corner, the cache door now gone. We descend into the lair,
Outpaced by the thing, its vengeance exact —
And then
I feel tongue on my skin.
I feel my arm bending, the wood slamming.
90 I hear someone, I can't make the words out with the panting.
I feel the heat of dozens of people on my leg.
I feel blackness descend over me.
. . .
I feel you stroking my hair. I am too tired to look around. Half of me is ablaze.
I turn wingwise, your silhouette popping over my baggy eyes,
as I awaken to the cool wood bench — I'm open now, but unable to rise.
"What happened?" is all I can bear to say, but the stabbing pain
Tells me all I need to know. "You got it good, it got you good," You begin,
"But not for forever — R&R'll work some magic. It's… just tragic
100 That the Valley is far from usⓘThe Withered RoseLuckily, we aren't the only lovers in this world. Perhaps we'll need to track them down, if you keep up that parenting talk. for now."
Now, you come close to me, now I feel your warmth — now
there is the ever-pervasive feeling that I am unworthy of your eyes.
But a twinkle within them reminds me of our eternal promise, and I rise
slowly, with you holding me, to finally witness the beaches pastⓘLevel 48 - "The Sunset Beach"A little respite, then it's off to our biggest leap yet: the boundless sea.- my pain.
How beautiful they are! How magnificent their broad plains, that they can begin
At infinity — past the sea — and stretch, blue-bleeding, all the way to me. Tragic
That their beauty be wasted on a now-cripple such as I. You read me — "Tragic?
How ridiculous you are, my love! I fear that I love you still more now
For having nearly died for me. What does it matter that you bear scars? Wipe your eyes,
110 Please. I will help you find a car, and together we will rise
Past stupid pain." I chuckle at the enthusiasm; it is easy to listen, but hard to follow — Pain
Is many things, but she be not stupid. Still, I will try. Still, I will once again begin
A new voyage into that daunting orange horizon whence the palm trees begin.
It is many minutes of gasping limping before we find a little sedan, replacing the tragic
Thom6 in the disc slot for the jubilant Gibb. You let me carefully into the back now;
I lay on my back, crying-red leg up, face turned to quench my thirst for your eyes.
We travel this way for days, the wind blasting, you always wanting the volume to rise
And my asking for a bit of a peace — until the night, when we rest and love, despite my pain.
Eventually, we roll into a place, just as my leg begins to dull, my pain
120 A little more a-side. There are villagers here, and they begin
To balk at the sight: Two "Frontrooms" lovers on 48: A paradise, yet still so tragic!
I contend they're Earthly as I, that they limited themselves… there's no time for doubt now;
For their self-tragedy, despite their summoned joy, there's a death within their eyes,
And they'd like us to "'keep our mirth!'" We go listlessly through the people, we rise
Up to their questions, and they too rise
To our hopes for a quiet resting place. The whipped sand comes in my wounds, a bit of pain
Comes up, but we make it to the inn, where at once we'd like to begin
Our true planning, the deep thought of the safe, when at once the tragic
Is allayed and the only destiny made known: we are now
130 At the edge of the fucking world, together with a future in our eyes.
Shining, singing, we now rise to begin
Our new fucking world together.
The ultimate fate is tragic, our eyes carry pain,
But praise be to any gods out there —
We are satisfied with our talk, touch, and rings!
There is something more to do.
I discover it in the dead of night, as you come to me
Pacing effervescently, your obvious bubbling mood about to burst
With the enlightened zeal of a reporter on the breaking.
140 "What is it?" I ask, void of expectations, hoping it's the best:
I'm a bit of contrarian in that way: I will shit to be great.
You stop and sigh, clear your throat, prep your words,
And them they tumble out of you, a broke dam that isn't worth a damn.
"There's a city we can reach, full of people
And opportunity. But the chance is closing soon, the leap
Of faith needs to happen soon, and I don't think you can be ready
For the trial soon to come."
"Well, hit me with that shit!" I curtly reply, startling you to look at me
And my best attempt to hide
The fact that I'm dreading even attempting whatever you claim —
150 If you didn't think that 3 was out of reach, what could possibly be?
"I'm glad you're excited, but in order to reach 11 —
I've talked to the villagers, they say this is part of why none ever try —
We need to nearly drown. Four minutes at the bottom,
Near a glitchy part of the seafloor, before a rock will move out of the way,
And let us in out of a manhole."
"Four minutes? I can do two and a half right now —
if they give us even a bit of prep, I'm sure four's doable soon."
"It needs to be pure, they said, that's part of what the MEG people said."
"Shit — it's fine, love, we can work to it. How long've we been endowed?"
160 "Tomorrow."7
. . .
Steady, centered — these are the words that dominate
As I limp towards the water in the madrugada8 of our fate.
With your cue, I begin to distance, letting the water hit the small tourniquet:
It singes me, but I control myself for you — to beget
Any sign of pain now, that would be an ending irrecoverable.
Irrecoverable, that's this attempt:
I muse to myself as I feel the jets
Of the sea shift me around, as I descend
Into the Crown, turning myself upside down — it's been penned
170 That way, supposedly, for it is the final part of this coast
That people remotely care about, but to which no one tries to go.
I see why now: I reach out and feel your breast in front:
To the right, rock, and the left coral. Am I just a dunce?
To imagine this shit was possible? Because I feel myself burning up,
Up our spirits go, as I start to rebreathe my own air —
I used to like holding breath as a kid, but in this lair
It's nowhere near as fun. I never learned to open my eyes underwater,
But I start to relax my eyes; I see you looking at me, proud, only aware
Of me. How funny it is, that we've found a center in each other:
180 Who else is lucky as us, who else has found a way to assert
An answer to this hellscape, the antidote to isolation,
the antidote to our burning lungs: lovin'.
It would have been scary — I thought it would be now —
But when I realise we will either succeed or die, there is only peace.
Only fate holds the answer, and she will give it to us soon.
Somehow, I've realised, she will never make our lives unfair.
With each other, the curveballs are indicated.
With each other, the fastballs are slowed.
How strange it is,
That we lived together at the same time, at the same place
190 That we met at all outside Vallejo. How lovely it is, that we said the right things, and made
Ourselves a thing. How amazing that we ever lived at all.
My sides are almost red-hot, my oxygen almost goes,
But then I feel myself flipping —
194 Saltwater turns to moist air.